Faraz Arastu

English 3301

6/1/13

Researched Writing Review [Qing]

Word Count: 298

Qing, I feel that you clearly identified the International Society for Transgenic Technologies as your audience, which allows you to be very specific about addressing your topic. The standard format that you chose is appropriate since you are focusing on a research topic, giving background on the topic, and then proposing research for the topic. In my opinion, I think you used credible sources which were relevant to transgenic technologies. However, you often seemed to summarize the data from these sources rather than identify why the research matters to your research goals.

My take on your draft is that transgenic technology can be applied to reduce allergic reactions to milk, increase growth of livestock, and protect against intrinsic diseases in meat like FMDV. However, I am confused as to what research you are proposing here. I would recommend you pick one of these three topics and focus on how to solve the disadvantages to the current approach. For example, you mentioned that producing “double-muscled cattle” resulted in a “reduction in female fertility and delay in sexual maturation.” This could be a starting point. How would someone go about combating these issues?

Aside from this, I felt that at times your tone sounded personal instead of professional to the discourse community you are addressing – the International Society for Transgenic Technologies. I would suggest that you do not include pronouns like “our” or refer to the general public’s understanding of transgenic technologies. I feel that your statements about the public, e.g. “People know that milk is the primary source of nutrition,” are taking away from the actual proposal. I have included more on this using in-text comments.

Thanks for bearing with my analysis. Good luck with your paper!